Caring for the Caregiver

If you have met one person with Alzheimer’s disease… you have met one person with Alzheimer’s disease. No two cases are ever truly alike.

With each and every Alzheimer’s diagnosis comes a unique experience in terms of personality, symptoms and needs. Like no two fingerprints can ever be alike, no two cases of Alzheimer’s disease progress in the exact same way. The patient maintains individuality even in illness. While there are certain symptoms that are predictable (such as memory loss), the way the individual interprets the changes in brain function will always prove to be a unique experience.

With so many variations of Alzheimer’s disease, how does the caregiver know what to expect? How should he or she prepare without getting overwhelmed?

There are currently over 15 million caregivers nationwide. You are not the only one suffering from heightened emotions such as fear, concern or even the guilty feeling you refuse to admit – how this is going to affect ME.

A support system is valuable for many reasons. It can better equip the caregiver to care if he or she knows there is someone out there that understands. If someone offers to help, let them. Don’t let pride or loyalty or a sense of personal duty keep you from accepting help. Nor is it a bad representation of caregivers when they reach the point of needing to place the loved one in an assisted living or skilled nursing community.

How does the caregiver handle unsolicited advice or chatter?

For example, an out of town family member may “help” by offering opinions to the caregiver who is dealing with the dementia patient on a daily basis. We as caregivers think, “How dare she come into my home and tell me how to care for our mother? I’m the one who does everything every day to care for Mom. I know what she needs and prefers because I’M the lucky one that gets to experience everything – the good and the bad. Who does she think she is?”

All caregivers have been in a situation similar to this. I like to ask myself where this advice is coming from. Are family members truly trying to be helpful or judging your ability to handle the situation? Is the advice given perhaps to cover feelings of inadequacy or inability to do it themselves?

We all want to feel valued. But, if we decide the “help” family members offer is unnecessary and unwanted, simply let them know you value their input and will take it under consideration. You have thought about it, and now you discard it and continue to care for your loved one as you feel is best.

Remember, you are not alone! Reach out to professionals for help handling your own stress. Join a caregiver support group and network with others in your situation. The Lamar County Alzheimer’s Caregiver Support Group meets on the last Thursday of the month at 2:00 p.m. at First Baptist Church of Purvis. We encourage caregivers to join us as we strengthen one another in love and support. 

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©2015 Jean Claire Monroe · All rights reserved.

The Big D...

Is it Normal Aging or Dementia?

They've been married forever.


I hear that a lot from families. They may not know the exact date their parents were married, but they know it's been forever! By this they mean their parents work as a unit, and friends and family members are used to this interaction. This ability to work as a team is a wonderful thing until one of the team isn’t functioning well and the other is in denial. When couples cover up for each other, precious time can be lost.  


When should children act? 
Healthy aging brings with it some losses, but if seniors have a mate, they often can live independently for a longer time as they fill in the gaps for each other. Dad’s eyes aren't that great anymore, but Mom coaches him and he does okay. Or Mom’s driving is questionable, but Dad does most of the driving when they are in high traffic areas.


Teasing apart a decades-long team effort to present a united face of viable functioning to the world isn’t easy, but careful observance can generally penetrate their act.


Carolyn Rosenblatt, examines this issue. Rosenblatt writes that action should be taken even if a dementia diagnosis isn’t made by a physician.  In her article she says, “Here’s what’s important:  it doesn’t matter if you have a diagnosis for your aging parent or not. It matters how your aging parent functions. It matters how you deal with what you see…If your aging parent or loved one is showing persistent memory loss and starting to mess up the basics of life, it’s a warning you should not ignore…”


Changes in behavior are the key
The key to dementia is often in the changes we observe in our elders. Using the example above of Mom’s driving, what is important is the change in her functioning. With normal aging, our reflexes aren’t as quick, our eyesight isn’t as keen, and we may avoid some of these situations more than when we were younger.  However, if Mom is avoiding driving because she gets lost even in familiar territory, she is showing signs of possible dementia.


If Dad, who made a living as a businessman, often crunching numbers in his work and also ran the family finances with precision and accuracy, is making a lot of financial errors, something may be wrong. Suddenly, or so it seems to his family, he’s late paying bills or he over-draws the checking account. This could be a sign of stress, or maybe his medications are affecting his ability to think well. It could be a sign of an infection in his system. Or it could be a sign that he is developing dementia. Only a complete checkup by a skilled specialist is likely to give you an answer.

Whatever the case, keep an eye on your aging loved ones while respectfully allowing them to continue life independently as long as possible.

Alzheimer's and Dementia

It's no secret that I've been an Alzheimer's advocate for years. In fact, it's become one of my greatest passions. I never dreamed in a million years that one day I would be working in a nursing home and spend my days talking to families caring for a loved one with Alzheimer's. 

Mississippi Alzheimer's Association representatives awarding me a gift of pottery made by Alzheimer's patients.

Appearing on our local news station at the Alzheimer's Walk

Making some announcement at an Alzheimer's Walk...there was always something to share!

Meeting David Hyde Pierce (Niles Crane from Frasier), a national Alzheimer's advocate, at the
2011 Alzheimer's Leadership Summit.

I've done a few Alzheimer's fundraiser posts before, but one of my greatest joys is serving as the dementia contributor for a local health magazine. I've been published January-July 2015 and hope to write many more. I decided another platform to share the message of Alzheimer's disease is with you guys. I know it's not the fun and light reading of most of my posts, but I hope you'll bear with me at least once a month to share the latest that's going on in the dementia world. 

So please allow me to share with you my monthly articles on Alzheimer's and dementia in Mississippi...

More Than You Think I Am: Inside an Alzheimer’s Brain

  

Ruth followed the winding hallway before her. Tile after tile she walked. Where was she going again? Ruth remembered it was important, so she kept walking. She would figure it out before she got there. She passed Carolyn (or was it Marilyn?), the sweet lady who gave Ruth her morning medicine. Ruth could have sworn there were more pills today than yesterday. Did she take her medicine yesterday? She couldn’t remember.

Ruth continued to follow the tiled hallway. Where was her husband? Maybe he could spark her memory. “Jimmy!” she called. “Jimmy, where are you?” Around and around Ruth circled the hallways. She figured Jimmy was out in the garden. She walked over to the nearest window and peered into the yard. Where was that Jimmy?

Frustrated but determined, Ruth pressed on, tile after tile. Finally, she gave up and took a seat in the living room. Who put a snack machine in her living room? “Jimmy!” she called again.

A petite young girl walked towards her with a cup of water. Ruth couldn’t remember hiring a maid. The girl’s nametag read “Jasmine”. Maybe Jasmine could find Jimmy.

Jasmine was so tired. She was nearing the end of her twelve hour shift, and she still had dinner to cook for her kids. She was not in the mood to deal with another one of Ruth’s outbursts. Ruth could speak very few words, and sometimes all said was the name Jimmy. Ruth’s husband Jimmy had passed away fourteen years before Ruth was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease. Together, Jimmy and Ruth had only one child, Charlotte, who visited as often as possible. It was becoming increasingly more difficult and sometimes impossible to connect with Ruth.

Jasmine slowly approached Ruth with a cup of water. Ruth reached out and grabbed Jasmine’s wrist nearly spilling the water. Ruth looked expectantly at Jasmine and said, “Jimmy?”

Jasmine immediately felt remorse. She began to realize that over time she had stopped seeing Ruth as the loving wife and mother she once was. When Jasmine saw Ruth, she only saw outbursts and frustration. It broke Jasmine’s heart that she was no longer able to connect with Ruth the person. All she could do was manage Ruth the disease.

Bridging the gap between the caregiver and the patient is difficult. The caregiver feels isolated and locked out, frustrated by his or her inabilities. At these times, the caregiver must remember values. What does the patient with Alzheimer’s value? The possibilities are endless: faith, family, career, dignity, respect, compassion. Each value is still important to an individual with Alzheimer’s disease. The most meaningful connections will be based on those values.

Remembering Ruth’s values, Jasmine walked Ruth to her room in the nursing center. She picked up Ruth’s photo album and pointed to each picture. Jasmine complimented Ruth on her beautiful family. There was a photo of Charlotte in her very first Halloween costume that Ruth had stitched by hand. Jasmine turned the page. Before she could even open her mouth, Ruth grins and says, “Jimmy.”

Jean Claire Monroe, June 2015

Paws for a Cause Pet Walk

 

 

A Pet Walk has to be one of the cutest fundraisers I have ever witnessed! My friends at Bedford Alzheimer's Care Center in Hattiesburg, MS, hosted a "Paws for the Cause" Pet Walk and it was so precious! Peanut had a blast - and even won a door prize! It was so much fun I decided to do this recap on the blog.

 

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Poor P had no idea what he was about to get himself into

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I still can't believe he walked the full 5K. Thank you Bedford for all you do to raise funds for Alzheimer's awareness!

 

 

 

Friday Makes Me Happy!

 

 

Whoo, what a week! I think I've had something big every single day. That's a good problem to have because that means a lot of money is being raised for the Alzheimer's Walk! I am so looking forward to the Pet Walk fundraiser this weekend. Peanut is going to be so cute in his little purple bandana. Do you have any big plans for the weekend? I'd love to hear from you!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Some friends from Bible study.

 

 



 

 

Cute quote

 

 

 

 

 

My brother and I used to say "rabbit, rabbit" on the first of every month. Do any of you remember doing that?

 

 

 

 

Mom and I helped assemble almost 800 of those flowers for the Walk. Let me rephrase that. She supervised me and a few other residents as we put the flowers together...

 

 

 

 

Working on Bible study homework. It's not a quick read. We have to work!

 

 

 

 

 

I saw this at Meistersingers rehearsal. I wonder if the sign works.

 

 

 

 

I was interviewed by Hotline about Alzheimer's research and trial studies. My segment should air this Sunday. Radio is so much easier than TV!

 

 

 

I hope you all have a great weekend!

It's Fri-yay!

 

 

 

Happy Fri-yay, friends! It's been an awesome but busy week for me. The Walk to End Alzheimer's is three weeks away, and it is grind time for this Chairperson! Here are my Friday Favorites - things that made me happy this week.

 

 

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Of course Peanut made the cut!

 

 

 

 

This week's #shoefie. Every gal needs a pair of nude patent pumps.

 

 

 

 

 

I wore purple every day this week in honor of World Alzheimer's Day

 

 

 

 

Speaking to a church about the upcoming Walk!

 

 

 

 

Painting with a Purpose with Lamar Health & Rehab

 

 

 

 

More purple selfies with my man. I don't take selfies alone...

 

 

 

 

My friend Mary and I at the painting party

 

 

 

 

And isn't this the cutest thing you've ever seen? Peanut visited the local nursing home for World Alzheimer's Day. Doesn't he just look dashing in his purple bowtie?!

 

 

Let me know how your week went in the comments! Thanks for following Vogue Happiness!

Painting with a Purpose

World Alzheimer's Day fell on September 19th this year, and you may or may not have seen #paintitpurple everywhere. I know I blasted it all over social media for a week. If you know me personally, you know I have a deep passion for patients with Alzheimer's disease and other dementias. In accordance with World Alzheimer's Day, Lamar Health and Rehabilitation Center in Lumberton, MS decided to literally #paintitpurple at Painting with a Twist!

I am so proud of Lamar Health and Rehab and the work they are doing to raise awareness and funds for the Alzheimer's Association. I've been chairing the Walk to End Alzheimer's for 6 years, and enthusiasm ebbs and flows amongst teams. But not Lamar! I am constantly amazed at what they can pull off. Like this check above for $523.00 in only 2 hours!

(Follow me on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram here.)

Ladies getting set up to paint

Alzheimer's awareness had the largest "Painting with a Purpose" turnout - ever!

This is Mary, the Activities Director at Lamar. Love her!

Our mothers are residents at Lamar, so we made them each a painting.

We had the best time! Thank you Lamar Health & Rehab and Painting with a Twist!

My finished work. (Is the swing a little high or what???)